The Chain Smoker

I am the first to admit, nothing is sexier than ending a night of partying by kissing a HOT man who has just enough essence of smoke and booze on his breath. Social smoking is quite popular, and in my mind, I don't see anything wrong with indulging in that. However, I still don't understand how people can smoke on a daily basis.

I don't have any addictions (other than food........and shopping........and sex) Ok, I don't have any that are actually hazardous to my health. How is it that we are well educated about the effects of smoking, yet people still smoke 1-2 packs a day?
Do you like your lungs? Do you want to talk through a voice box? You like smelling like an ashtray?

Your so cute I want to take your pack of Marlboro Menthols and break all of them in half in front of you. Then I will take a box of nicotine patches and stick all of them to your body. While you are experiencing overdose signs including dizziness, upset stomach, bad headaches, vomiting, cold sweats, drooling, confusion, blurred vision, hearing problems, weakness or fainting, I will simultaneously be beating you over the head with your lighter and the inhaler you will eventually need. Once i'm finished, I will sit an lecture you on the effects of smoking while flipping through pictures of burnt lungs and the Crypt keeper, cause that's who you will eventually look, and smell like...........dumb assess.

Bathroom Behavior

Women, your bathroom behavior is an abomination. I mean, if your gonna hover over the seat, WIPE UP YOUR OWN PEE! Every woman knows that it can spray in some strange ways when your squatting like that, so be kind and take 2 seconds to check the seat...its a nice gesture don't you think?

18 stalls open and you know that son of a bitch that comes in after you is gonna choose the one right next to you. What if your dropping a deuce? Don't you want some privacy? WHAT THE FUCK! Can't you see I chose the last stall in the row for a reason....I WANT SOME PRIVACY

And another thing, WASH YOUR HANDS! You just stuck them way to close to either your cooter and or your ass. Even if I chowed box, I would expect both the box and your hands would be at a certain level of cleanliness. Thanks

Your so cute, Id like to hold you up by your ankles and dunk your head in the toilet I just pissed in. Then I will take the plunger, stuff it up your non-lubricated ass in hopes that the wooden handle will leave splinters. I will find a toilet with a steamy floater in it, tie you to it and make you waft that lovely aroma. After a few hours, I will douse you in antibacterial soap and leave you naked under the hand dryer. You will certainly think twice about your stank ass horrible bathroom behavior when I finish with you.